Seattle Pizza Crawl

fullsizerenderSome time ago, we happened upon a Facebook event for something called “Pizza Crawl 2016.” This event sounded like it was made for us, so Sara and I arranged to spend a late August Saturday afternoon traipsing around Capitol Hill in pursuit of pizza. Let me get one thing straight off the bat: this event was not made for us. Yes, there was pizza. But there was also something called a “revolutionary” marching band, an array of “musical performances,” and just general oddness. Some of the things we saw cannot be unseen, and they can barely be described. After a little over an hour, and only two pizza stops, we made the important decision to carry on the pizza crawl ourselves, eventually visiting six locations, sans parade. Here are the highlights, and lowlights.

Pizza parade down Broadway. Completely inconspicuous.
Pizza parade down Broadway. Completely inconspicuous.
Leading the parade was the Calzone Revolutionary Marching Band. It seems the only requirement to be in the band is to just be terrible at music.

Stop #1: Pagliacci Pizza (2.75/5)
Our first pizza of the crawl was a cheese slice from Pagliacci. It’s a pizza we’ve all had, but we have yet to review. I thought it was pretty basic, and would have preferred pepperoni, but I wouldn’t turn it away if it were given to me. Sara is a Pagliacci fan, but prefers it by the whole pizza to the slice.

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The "musical performance" we were lucky enough to witness. It gave me nightmares.
The “musical performance” we were lucky enough to witness. It gave me nightmares.

Stop #2: Amante Pizza and Pasta (3/5)
After what seemed like an eternal trek, we finally got back to pizza, with a pepperoni slice at Amante. I preferred the softer crust on this slice, and the cheese and pepperoni were good, but it was quite greasy. Sara liked the pepperoni but thought there was too much cheese, as she often does.

Stop #3: Hot Mama’s Pizza (3.5/5)
At this point, we were on our own, dedicated to following the pizza crawl itinerary, without the parade and the “music.” Splitting a slice at each location, we believed this would not be a hard feat to accomplish, but would soon learn that splitting NY slices is basically like eating 1 regular slice. But I digress. Sara and I both liked Hot Mama’s – it was fresh, the crust was nice and fluffy, and we both wanted to come back to try more. It was the closest to true NY style pizza we’ve found.
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Stop #4: Ian’s Pizza by the Slice (2.5/5)
Ian’s had quite an eclectic menu, but we stay tried and true with a slice of pepperoni. I thought the crust and dough were magnificent, but nothing else about the pizza really stood out. Sara was angry at this pizza, calling it the “Voodoo Donuts of pizza” and said it was gimmicky to distract from being average. This is where we began to notice that eating too much pizza is, in fact, a thing.
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Stop #5: MAD Pizza (1/5)
We never knew when we would find the worst pizza in Seattle. People always ask, and we’ve yet to have an answer. It was hard to imagine ever truly hating something that is pizza, but ladies and gentlemen, we’ve done it. Granted, at this point, we had eaten too much pizza. But even if that had not been the case, the pizza at MAD Pizza would still be terrible. The slice was the opposite of fresh, and as soon as I looked at it, I knew we were in trouble. There was some mystery flavour that neither one of us could identify, but it was not good. We could not even finish the slice.

Please note the crusty sauce at the top. Ew.
Please note the crusty sauce at the top. Ew.

Stop #6: Sizzle Pie (3/5)
The worst thing about Sizzle Pie is that it was our last stop. At this point, Sara and I were barely functioning, and the thought of more pizza became hard to handle. But we persevered. Sizzle Pie is a new addition to the Seattle pizza scene, after growing popular in Portland. I thought it was an enjoyable, average pizza – nothing standout, but nothing wrong with it. Sara thought is was comparable to Pagliacci, but sweeter and less filling.

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At the end of the day, it’s safe to say that Sara and I realized what our pizza limits truly are. I would not recommend eating at six different pizza places in one afternoon to the faint of heart or stomach. It definitely took a nap and some Tums to come back from this one. That being said, we were able to review quite a lot of pizza in a short amount of time. And with that in mind, here is our official pizza ranking for the day:

  1. Hot Mama’s
  2. Sizzle Pie
  3. Amante
  4. Pagliacci
  5. Ian’s
  6. MAD Pizza
Before and After: Six Pizzas,  One Afternoon
Before and After: Six Pizzas, One Afternoon
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